Broken But Not Defeated

 

Attitude

In 2005, I suffered a skull fracture and brain injury from a motorcycle accident. I began to heal and pick up the broken fragments of my life and became acutely aware of my “new normal”. The skull fracture left me with permanent hearing damage in one ear and short-term memory loss (to name a few).

I returned to college for senior year. My brain was still glazed over in a fog from the brain injury. The once sharp and quick-witted thinking had all but vanished. My response time had significantly decreased. Somehow… God brought me through it and I graduated earlier than expected.

Presently, my brain is still working at full capacity and probably better than expected. I still, however, cringe whenever we are with friends and someone suggests playing a trivia game. It’s common for me to suggest ANYTHING other than a dreaded trivia game that requires quick response time.

I have often thought, “They are going to laugh at me, there’s no way they’ll ever want to play on my team again and it’s not even my fault that I’m slow.”

It was one of my biggest insecurities.

Though my memory issues could be MUCH worse, it does affect my everyday life. It’s more than forgetting a day of the week or where I parked the car. There are moments when I forget where I’m driving and why. Other moments the words complete stop between my brain and mouth and I am left with a long, awkward “uhhh”.

I take notes all the time. My desk is constantly filled with sticky notes and memos. If I don’t take notes, then I won’t remember.

This used to bother me until I changed my view on this insecurity. God loved me enough to spare my life and save my brain. Here is how I see things now..

  1.  I will work harder than anyone else playing trivia, because I want to feel normal. This actually makes me an even better teammate.
  2. God still gives me the ability to work. Instead of focusing on what could happen to my memory in the future, I choose to recognize that I have been blessed with a functional brain and can still rock my job!

Sometimes our insecurities and differences make us want to quit or give up. I would have every reason to abandon my responsibilities and allow these “insecurities” to defeat me – which is why I choose to fight back with strength from the Lord… and win.

Whatever you might be struggling with on the inside, remember that everything God creates is beautiful and that includes you. Believe in yourself and stand up against the invisible force that might hold you back. If you have every reason to give up, then why not fight back? Let God win and heal you.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” – Psalm 147:3

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4 thoughts on “Broken But Not Defeated

  1. Wow, what a great post. Health problems/injuries are the worst. But I do think they are an opportunity to deepen our walks with God by leaning on His strength. I, too, have suffered from health stuff that affected my emotions and my brain (I get brain fog sometimes and can’t really concentrate). It’s been getting better recently, but there have been many days I’ve just had to lean on God to get me through the day. And it is huge to learn my identity is not in my health, but in God. A hard but good lesson to learn.

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    • Teryn, Thank you so much for your comment. I agree that suffering brings us closer and enhances our walk with God. It sounds like we have a lot of similarities. If you don’t mind me asking, have you tried changing your diet to help with these symptoms like brain fog? I’ll be blogging more about this, but eating gluten-free has really helped me to eliminate some of those symptoms. Food for thought. 😉 Anyway, I will definitely keep you in my prayers.

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  2. WELL AS IF , I CAN’T RELATE TO THIS ONE! AFTER MY FULL BLOWN BRAIN ANEURYSM ON JAN. 28TH 2001, MY 52ND BIRTHDAY! I’M ONE OF THOSE WALKING MIRACLES TOO, JUST LIKE YOU. OH, AND YES; I HAVE TO LEAVE ME NOTES & REMINDERS EVERY WHERE. NEED MORE NOTE PADS! ALSO MY FAVORITE GAME, IS TRIVIA PURSUIT. REALLY, CUZ IT KEEPS MY MIND SHARP! AFTER MY HOSPITAL STAY OF 2 MO. i FEEL VERY BLESSED, THAT I HAVE NOT BEEN A BURDEN TO MY HUSBAND OR FAMILY! THANK YOU FOR YOUR ALWAYS ENCOURAGING WORDS! I’M STRONGER FOR WHAT I’VE BEEN THRU, CUZ OF ALL THE PRAYERS FROM FAMILY & FRIENDS! LUV YA, AUNT DONNA

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  3. Great post. I was checking continuously this blog and I’m impressed! Very useful info specially the last part 🙂 I care for such information a lot. I was seeking this particular information for a long time. Thank you and best of luck.

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